Advent Letter

[The true light] was in the world, and the world came into being through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to what was his own, and his own people did not accept him. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God,who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.

~John 1:10-13

I pray this Advent and Christmas season holds a lot of promise and joy for each of you, a soul-deep reminder of the saving love of Christ made manifest in your life.  And I pray that your congregations are a place where Christ is made visible and tangible, where Christ truly becomes flesh in your hearts and in your communities, as he did so long ago in Bethlehem.

At the same time, the message I feel called to share with you today is not an easy one.  A few conversations with district folks recently have reminded me of the realities of domestic violence within the church.  One in three women and one in four men have been victims of domestic violence.  Think about how many men and women are in your congregation, divide that by three for the women and four for the men, and you likely have the number of congregants sitting in the pews on any given Sunday who have been deeply hurt by violence directed at them within their family.  Similarly, one in five women and one in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime.  It is guaranteed that several people within your congregation have been abused, and likely that someone in your congregation is being abused currently.

I take seriously the call to speak or write about this topic at least once a year because victims of abuse often suffer in silence, fear, and shame, and the easiest way to create a culture of transparency and safety within the church, where people can seek out the help they need, is to make sure leaders are speaking about it.

One of the stories I heard that brought this topic to mind this season was of a congregation who provided spiritual shelter for a member whose holiday gathering had devolved into physical violence.  Holidays can be an extra stressful time, often with high expectations that are nearly impossible to meet.  And families who have brokenness in their midst get together in ways they don’t at other times of year.  Add in financial stress and increased alcohol consumption, and the Christmas season can become one of those times when the good gets better and the bad gets worse.

But I’m likely not telling you anything you do not already know.  So if this is the reality within our churches and communities during this season, what does that say about how we make manifest the Christ whose body we are and whose birth we are celebrating, the Christ who comes to us as a vulnerable child in a small town?

I often experience that small churches tend to be sheepish about not being able to offer programs for kids and youth and even adults.  But what small churches have tremendous possibility for is intergenerational relationships, for chosen family ties, which is a rarety in our culture and is essential in healing some of these wounds.  Being family together in the church is a vital witness.  

How do we become so much of a family that the single people among us get so many invitations to holiday gatherings, they have a hard time choosing?  How do we become so much of a family that someone who is being abused can call a church member for help, knowing they will receive that help without judgment, no questions asked?  How do we become so much of a family that we provide a model and a foretaste of the kind of family God adopts us into?  How do we become so much of a family that we provide a counter-witness to the all-too-prevalent violence that pervades our families and towns?

And if you are a victim of violence (as at least ¼ of you surely are), what might it look like to lean into the family ties that you experience in the church in this season, and to give to and receive from trusted ones who may be just waiting to listen to your story and honor your identity as a beloved child of God?

If you want to talk to me about what your congregation might do to be a safe place for those who have experienced abuse, that is a conversation I am always willing to have.  Please let me know.

May Christ’s peace, that surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds, your families and homes, your congregations and towns in this holy season.

Laura